I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
