My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
