so that wasnt chicken after all
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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