He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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