So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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