Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
