Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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