she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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