maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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