If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
