I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
