coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
