I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize