I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
