if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm just crazy horny about you
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
