My sheets look like a crime scene.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
