ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
