I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
