I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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