the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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