We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
