Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
