and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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