So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
