I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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