The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
