just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
