Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
