Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
