I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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