hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize