She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
