So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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