I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
