That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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