i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish you could order shots online.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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