I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize