I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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