btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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