I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
