If i come over, it means nothing
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
