Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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