Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
