batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
