I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
