She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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