If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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