i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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