I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
