i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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