Apparently you make a good broom.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
