Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
