the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
