what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize