whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
