Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize