all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
