Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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