I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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