I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
