imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
