Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
