then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
