Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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