The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
