I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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