anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
