I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
