you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
