i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
