Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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