Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
