His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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