I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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