Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize