Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
