never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
