The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
