Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
