well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
