Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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