you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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