Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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