I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
