Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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