In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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