I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Actions speak louder than pants.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize