you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
