Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
