I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Acid is not a monday night drug
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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