I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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