I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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