let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
