She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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