So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
