he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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