Already got asked if we're dating
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
