I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
