Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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